Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
