Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
