yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
