mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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