If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
