it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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