yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
