So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
