he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
