You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
