Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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