just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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