she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Everclear isn't food dammit
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
