I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
