i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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