I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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