How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
