i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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