I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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