You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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