I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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