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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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