There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
