So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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