kristin has been a bad kristin
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
