I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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