dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
