Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
