I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
