Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The power of my boobs compel you
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
