I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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