I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
