What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
