i'm lost and i look like a hooker
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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