she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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