you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
