She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
