Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
