He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
