I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
