mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
