saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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