I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
