why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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