whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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