is your mom at the bar?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
