is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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