i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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