Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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