Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
