remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Randomize
