I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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