There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
